There is Something to Be Said for Anonymity...

I currently have a few blogs...well, I did...now I'm down to this one and one on multiply. This is a nice place to put things that will just sit in space and no one will ever read. I don't think anyone will, at least.



I can put out diatribes that have been crossing my mind. Things that I wonder about on the commute home. I rarely think about dinner, work or television. I'm normally thinking about large things, abstract things, all that sorta stuff...Here's a recent rambling:



The Power of Fear and the Exhilaration of Competition



Rather than release a bit of wisdom in the comments section of someone's blog, I will instead come to my little corner of the internet to talk through some logical thought where only those who mean to cross it will come.


Today, we spend some time discussing religion and why people love it so much. Human nature instills a fear of death upon us. Not so much of actually dying: the pain, etc...but missing out on life. Sure, how you die is a scary thing, but much easier to accept than missing out on everything around you. How do you escape such a thing?


You create an idea and sell it to the people around you. You create a place where you will go when you die. A place that is utopian (how is this even possible? the old saying 'your heaven looks just like my hell.' is completely true, it's impossible for a heaven to exist.) in basis and filled with everything you love. Everyone you love is there waiting for you. (How is utopian life worth having if you must sit and wait for people to die for years on end?) The place is also ran by a bi-polar superhuman. If you love Jonathan Edwards, God hates us. He does, very genuinely. We're just flies hanging from his web and he wants to drop us into a lake of fire...we just need to give him one good reason. However, if you're a fan of Jesus, he's the cool dad who just wants to hang with us and give us everything we want to be happy! Does that mean if you really LOVE heroin, he'll give you a permanent score without the jail time? Where does God's moral limits end? Really, is drug abuse immoral in God's eyes? There isn't really a bible verse about it. Hell, the people who WROTE the bible were most likely intoxicated when they did it.


The key to it all is that we're given this avenue and we blindly accept. The questions I asked above are irrelevant to 95% of the people who will be "going to heaven." They just want to go there. They're too scared to ask questions, they can't handle that when we die, that may be it.



We had our turn, we had our fun, we did what we could and now we're done. That's a scary thought, I'm not sure why, I, personally, am happy with this and couldn't imagine heaven a more meaningful reward than time with my family, friends and habits. Heaven would be like becoming a scientologist, I guess. You get pulled away, brainwashed and suddenly it's all that matters, not anything of substance. This could be it. Did I mention Heaven has changed many times depending on the theology? You can't really base your life's beliefs on an evolving story. Once the words are set, you can't really change them. What good is God if its constantly changing its mind?


The horror of religion is the fear it instills. Sure, it alleviates the fear of dying, in a way, but it instills more fear. It makes people afraid of everything. Basic human desires are preached to be sin. Sex is the only thing we're 100% on this planet to do. Prolonging the species. But it's one of the most revered of sins. How can you trust something that works so hard to make your only task outside of survival something to be reviled? Yeah, I know.


There are a number of ridiculous claims, just look at the 10 commandments, ridiculous. Our society and basic nature thrives on coveting that of others, but it's a sin? That alone should make christianity and most religions invalid, but they provide something far more important than a feeling of being logical and intelligent. It provides grounds for competition!
Competition is the best part of it. "I'm baptist, that's SOOOOO much more godly than being methodist!"


We love sports, we love video games, we love anything that can prove we're better than those around us. We strive for it. Religion offers the highest thrill of them all! We get to be right about eternity AND the supreme being. Sure, whatever you believe today is just a cheap knock-off of the early theologies (or some would say MYTHologies) but yours is just distilled down to the truth, right?


And we haven't even gotten to the Israel-Palestine conflict. Believing in Jesus should have you doing anything but attacking these people, but competition is more important than adhering to beliefs, right?


More death, lying, destruction and pain have come from relgion than anything else. A major cause of our war in Iraq is religion. Since the rise of Islam, Christians have been trying to destroy it. Just look at the Crusades and how they're still happening today. This from a religion that whined about its persecution from the Romans and others. What happened to "Do unto others..." ?


There is no God. Sorry, hate to ruin the fairy tale for you, but there is no God. You can argue, you can threaten bodily harm, you can do anything you like, but it won't make a magic man appear in the sky. Don't come back with the "Just because you don't believe..." There is nothing to believe, you can say you don't believe in anything and have it not be true. I'm saying definitively, there is no God. Life is energy, souls are energy. We move through the world and who knows what happens with the energy when we die, no one does except the dead (if anything happens post-death), but there is no God in the sky watching you and running your life.
You can't be afraid anymore, you can't waste the life you have and expect some reward when you die. You're only guaranteed right now on this earth, use the time to the best you can or waste it because you want to waste it...don't do it because some imaginary man will harm you when it's over. The security blanket of inaction needs to be tossed aside. Stop being scared and start doing things.


Decency will exist without a God there to administer imaginary justice. Morality will exist without a principal being there to do something AFTER the wrong has been done. Just be a good person. To quote a song: "You believe in authority, I believe in myself" That's the key, believe in yourself, be your own lord. If you're too weak to stand up to yourself by yourself, Sunday service begins at 9 a.m.



It's only a partially conceived notion, something about dedicating more time to writing about it seems hard. I hate the self-righteousness that it purveys, but sometimes, you need to scream into the abyss. No one is watching, no one is reading, so it's safe, right?

It's Been A While...

See that picture over there? That's me playing the last bit of noise at the last show Econo will play...unless we find a new bassist. The final shows were great, I must say, if we don't find another bassist and don't play another note as a band, we went out the right way. We played the finest set we could.

It was pretty exciting, to be honest. We were a mess in Beaumont since we didn't practice before the show, but Houston was where it all came together and we brought it down. I was proud of us and in that moment Tom and I REALLY wanted to keep it going at that moment, so I hope we do.

A lot of friends actually came out to the show, which was also a reward. It's nice to see some familiar faces in the audience and then see them look pretty into it. Casey and I discussed after the last Houston show whether people came out because they enjoyed the band or to be good friends. We decided it was most likely to be good friends, but on this night a few of the people looked to be genuinely into what we were doing, so I was proud.
We also sold some CDs to strangers. We made a live CD for the weekend and sold out of them and all of the CDs we repressed of our first release. While we were selling them dirt cheap ($3 a piece), it was nice to have people buy them and then come up to give us some compliments. I'd do what I'm doing regardless of public opinion, but having some people dig it is more rewarding than anything.

Also, last month was mine and Rayanna's 8th wedding Anniversary. Since we didn't have the children the weekend before, we made it the honorary celebration. I'm not sure how great it was for her travelling all over southeast Texas, being in clubs til all hours and sleeping maybe 3 hours a night, but I think she had a lot of fun and it showed me why I love her so much. We do everything together and have a lot of fun doing it.

Hell, I never had a girlfriend more than a few months before I met Rayanna and now we've been married for 8 years. It has had its rough moments, being on welfare, having no money, etc. But it's gotten to the best point ever in the past year. I've never been more proud of my wife and felt more lucky to be married to her. That may sound all mushy to some of you...8.5 year ago me would have read this and went "fag!" but it makes more sense in the moment, you know?

Sorry I've neglected writing at this local. I've been really busy with life. In the past year, I've played 12 shows, put out 2 CDs for my band, release 4 more on our label, recorded a couple albums with Tom, recorded an album on my own, done some work as a porn photographer, covered concerts, kept the law center up and running, visited with friends and tried to do the best I could with my time. I think no one can say I don't live my life as fully as I can...and I've kept my wife and kids there the whole time. That's what I'm most proud of.